Yesterday, I was speaking with a nice reporter discussing ways to handle a dad/stepdad situation when she quietly interrupted and asked, ‘Are you a wedding planner and what’s the difference between that and a wedding mediator?’ Good question. You’re probably wondering the same thing. So, let’s clear that up right now.
Wedding planner, wedding mediator- it’s easy to get the two confused. I like to think that as a mediator I share a common goal with planners- to make sure your wedding day is happy and deeply satisfying, a memorable event. We just happen to go about that in different ways.
Planners are invaluable. A good planner can make a wonderful wedding spectatular while saving the couple money and stress. Think about it. You’ve never planned a wedding before as a bride. It’s your first time, and divorce statistics be damned, probably your only wedding. It just makes sense to work with a professional who understands and has experience with the myriad of details that make up a wedding.
My destination wedding in Grand Cayman required a planner. I would never have seen the pitfalls that could’ve of derailed our wedding without her (like getting the wedding license or what to do when the cruise ship can’t dock as usual). Also, our planner helped us find a new venue after a hurricane destroyed most of the island. (you can’t order that over the web). Sure, there was still a lot for me to do and worry over, but it made a huge difference having her skill and guidance.
Planners do details. Mediators do feelings.
If the feelings swirling around a wedding could generate electrical current, one wedding could easily power a small city for weeks. There’s that much juice. People are happy yet anxious. Joyful but sometimes confused. Non plus and worried about that. Angry and guilty. Happy. Sad. Fearful. Mournful. Resentful. There’s a whole crayola box of feelings that come with the words, ‘will you marry me?’
And a long line of people-parents, friends, in laws, coworkers- who are experiencing those emotions right along with the bride and groom A mediator can help a bride (or couple) discover what’s most important and how to be her own best advocate with vendors and family. How to listen and talk so she can have the wedding she wants without hurting loved ones or herself.
Christine Dyer, founder of BridalTweet , the fastest growing bridal community, had this to say:
I loved your recent post[ 5 Common Myths about Wedding Mediators]. Where were you when I got married last year?! I could have really used your advice to deal with some challenging issues 
Thanks for adding more great content to bridaltweet.
What does a mediator do? When my son was small he said his mom listened for a living. (I do my bridal coaching by phone). Not far off. I listen. observe, reflect, encourage, highlight, strategize and summarize for a living. My business is peace of mind. I help people get what they need in the world, and that kinda feels like a superpower to me (or, at least that’s what I told my grad students when I was teaching)
I feel very gratified when one of my brides becomes empowered to be responsible for what she wants and gains the skills and headset to get it. That, my friends, is a life-changing event- just like a wedding.
Planners are organizational and design experts. Mediators are communication and conflict experts. Kinda like peanut butter and jelly. You can have the separately but why would you want to when they work so well together.
I’d love to hear what you think about wedding mediators and how you might incorporate one.
