Crazy question, huh? Kinda like thinking back to the worst hangover you ever had: humorous but maybe still a little painful. That’s how I feel about some of the meetings in my past. And, let me tell you there have been some doozies.
Meetings Do Stink
Over the course of my legacy career as a mediator and Ombudsman, my bum has easily warmed over 10,000 meeting room chairs. That’s a conservative estimate, too. Some meetings have been wildly productive and really deeply inspiring. Like the group achieved something that would bring good in the world. Personally, I’d say that just about ever mediation I did felt that way, even when we didn’t reach agreement.
Other times, the meetings have just been, well, just wild. Disorganized, infuriating wastes of time. Yuck! I’m just like you. I’ve fantasized about saying, ‘Scotty beam me up!’ or wished I had a secret trap door in the floor to get me out of a stinker. Can I tell you? I hate that boring, indecisive, redundant meetings. I’ve got a ton of great things (cooking classes in spain, my first grandkid, topping the Inc 500 list) to experience and only 35 years left! Not so much time left that I can waste it with meetings.
The Biggest Group Meeting Faux Pas
My biggest pet peeve? Now, most people would say their biggest pet peeve is someone I call Tessie the Talker. She comes in a variety of styles but mainly Tessie is all about making her opinion and thoughts known to all, repeatedly. You know a Tessie (and maybe one sits in your chair). Somehow, she doesn’t bother me as much because, at heart, Tessie is very well meaning. She just lacks skill.
Some folks I talked with said they cringed at the person I call Nancy the Naysayer. I imagine her holding up a stop sign in the middle of a meeting yelling, ‘Halt! We can’t go there; it’s dangerous’. I once sat on a statewide committee with a bevy of Nancys. It was so tragic; we could have made a difference, but the Nancys smothered any forward motion with their constant concern over the next step. The thing about Nancy is: like Tessie she means well and her efforts can actually be channeled into something good. So, I think every group probably needs one Nancy.
No, the meeting personality who drives me around the bend and back- Oh, you thought peacemakers don’t get cranky? I do- is Ida, the idea thief. She really gets me. I so appreciate someone who gives a :beep: and comes to meetings prepared to contribute. So, when I see Ida snatching up the idea from someone a little less verbal or assertive and sharing it as her own, I see red.
For a minute.
Meetings are What You Make Them
Then I remember, the truth. How I experience a meeting is up to me. I can be a bystander or I can participate, not only in the content, but also in the process of running the meeting. Not in an overbearing or insensitive way. I can simply use my words to redirect the focus and attention. Done right, you don’t come out looking like a dink. (my typical response to Ida: ‘I really liked that idea when Sue said it a few minutes ago and even more now. That’s for highlighting that idea again, Mae’)
I’ll be talking about these meeting personalities and how to wrangle them at next week’s Brideability Summit, Play Nice: Work Well in Groups without Killing Yourself or Others. (is that my best title to date or what?!) It’s tough when you’re leading too; I’ve been there. So I’m also going to throw out a few tips for creating a great meeting and leave the more detailed discussion for the next Summit, Follow the Leader. I hope I’ll see you Wednesday at 3 and bring friends!
For now, if you would be so kind, please tell me about your biggest meeting pet peeve. Maybe it’ll be an example at the talk, even.
