What [wedding planners] wish they could tell you-but they can’t. This article in the fall/winter issue of The Knot shares the rough situations that planners sometimes find themselves dealing with when designing a dream wedding.
The story blows the lid off some pretty appalling behavior and requests. Things you’ve run across as a planner, no doubt. What’s missing? Solutions! You need answers. You can use Bride Power- the ability to get things done and influence others kindly- to resolve things without bruising your relationship with your bride. In this post, let’s spend a few minutes talking about how you can use your own power to avoid this awkward situation:
The bride thinks you are her personal slave and makes you do her dirty work
There are a lot of thankless tasks in wedding planning. You do them because you love your brides, but sometimes they ask too much. How do you say enough is enough? You simply say so.
Did you know you teach the people around you how to interact with you? It’s true. You tell someone how to behave with you through a combination of your actions, attitudes and words. It’s all about positively reinforcing the behaviors you want while being clear about those you won’t tolerate. You can do the same thing with your brides- consciously teach them how to work best with you.
Before you can lay down the rules, you first have to set them. You’ve probably set goals as a business owner, right? What you’d like to see happen over time. You can set similar goals for your interactions with clients.
Now, you may be saying, I get along great with my brides so I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. Fair enough. It’s just that misunderstandings turn into resentment or disputes pretty quickly when left unresolved. Wouldn’t it be easier to avoid trouble by educating your brides upfront about how to work successfully with you?
Take a moment to sit down and create your own expectation statement about topics like:
- What is the scope of work
- Work policies on emergencies and rush jobs
- Best ways to communicate
- Conflict resolution
- Payment
Then share your expectation statements in your materials and meetings. That way, there are fewer unpleasant moments and everyone is on the same page. It also helps to practice saying your statement aloud (you don’t want to mumble or forget.)
As an example, here’s my overarching expectation statement for my coaching clients:
I do my very best work with wedding planners who understand the value of communicating more effectively, want to change and are willing to take inspired, consistent action to become confident problem-solvers.
You’ll notice its straight-forward and positive. You don’t have to be negative or aggressive to get your message across. Initially, it was a little frightening to be this clear because it meant some people might not hire me. I’ve learned that being selective has benefits. I attract the best clients for me; we enjoy working together and we get terrific results. You can achieve the same!
A planner friend recently shared her frustration with DIY brides who won’t heed her advice. We created this expectation statement for her:
In this economic climate, DIY is a wonderful way to add personal style to your wedding. Successful DIY brides who work with me:
- Agree to take on no more than 5 DIY projects
- Commit to completing those 5 projects 6 weeks prior to the wedding date
- Understand that because my focus is on your wedding day, I cannot personally complete any projects
Now, she can point to this in her materials and rest easier that the DIY brides who select her as their planner know what to expect. Will some ask for more? Sure, but she won’t be scrambling for an answer in the moment or feel pressured to comply.
How do you handle expectation setting with your brides?
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Dina,
You came through for me yet again with your feature on DIY brides! I had an experience with this very recently, which, up until I read your article, left me just a bit disconcerted and puzzled, wondering how to avoid this frustration in the future. It was also my first “real” wedding, so I’ve kind of stepped back to analyze what I could have said or done in response to a few unreasonable demands and the treatment I received. However, in this business we are not going to get “perfect” clients all the time, and a big part of our job is dealing with grace and diplomacy– I love the expectation statement!
May have been your 1st wedding but it certainly won’t the last for Red Letter Events! You rock, Susan. To me, the most successful entrepreneurs are the ones who consistently debrief, assess and re-configure their businesses to meet the current market and their own expectations. You’re right. You won’t get perfect clients because there are no perfect people (except us, maybe lol). But knowing how to show compassion to your brides and yourself is the key to being happier and creating that superhero experience for your brides. If you feel up for it, send me your expectation statement and I’ll blog it up. Muah, d
brilliant, but no surprise there. I recently did a wedding for a DIY bride who actually KNEW how to DIY; she was a veteran crafter, and chose projects that were within the scope of her expertise. The wedding was lovely; the planner was beloved and treasured (and not covered with glitter and hotglue by the end) and it truly was a budget friendly way for the couple to express their personality.
As you wrote, it’s vital walk that fine line between letting our clients do what they think they can and stop them from what they can’t. It can only help our businesses.