Working with a new bride is a new beginning that’s kind of like riding a roller coaster together. You know you’ll make it to the end but the twists and turns along the way can be very scary. Continuing my theme of new beginnings with this post on setting expectations that can take the WTF out of wedding planning. (did you see Monday’s post about evaluating whether your wedding business is hobby or real business?)
I Don’t Know
A first-time bride is a first timer. I think we forget that sometimes because brides read every word every published on the subject and seem very knowledgeable. However, all that research doesn’t mean she’s ready for the ‘experience’ of planning a wedding. Your bride has no idea how to work with a wedding professional like you, and so it’s really important for you to explain the experience she’s about to have. And, not just the details of what happens when, but the real nitty-gritty of how will we work together?
Wedding Planners Set Expectations
There’s a ritual that most mediators observe at the start of a mediation that I think wedding planners should adopt. It’s called a ‘preamble’. Really, it’s an opening statement that the mediator makes to the parties that serves a couple of really important purposes. First, what is the preamble?
Using a Preamble
A preamble is used in mediation to share the information the parties need to be able to effectively take part in the mediation and explain what the experience is typically like. Kinda like the foreward in a book- tells you what’s gonna happen.
What I love about the preamble is that it gives the mediator a chance to get mentally, emotionally and professionally ready for the conversation. I wasn’t born patient, but the preamble is my moment to refresh my commitment to my work and remember that I am in service to others. Second, it gives the parties an opportunity to calm their nerves, refocus and hear what their role is. I think you can use this technique to help your bride understand her role and responsibilities in planning her own wedding better. And, heck, it will make you feel less guilty and more empowered when you can say,’we discussed this during the Preamble, remember?’
When do you preamble? Once a couple signs on with you, it’s time to give the preamble. In fact, it might even be part of your irresistible contracting experience that I talked about earlier. Be sure to not to rush this heart-based conversation and leave plenty of time for questions. To support you while you give it a try, I’ve jotted down key areas where you want to set down some expectations and guidelines.
Communications — it’s a good idea to help your bride understand the best ways for her to communicate with you i.e. phone calls, e-mail, text message, etc. When can she call you and with what issues? And, what happens when she monopolizes your time with a ‘quick question or two’.
Deadlines — nobody likes to a nag but you have to be clear about meeting deadlines and what happens to the planning process (your dream wedding) when your bride blows a deadline. The key here is to emphasize that you have the same goal and that you are mutually dependent on each other to reach it. Taking a page from Jerry Maguire, you’re asking her to ‘help me to help you’. You might want to consider including a fee in your contract as an incentive for brides to be more timely. I might feel tacky or awkward at first, but when you calculate how much time and effort you put into waiting for things like signed contracts, checks, guest lists to arrive or for your bride to respond, then you’ll see the value of it. Time really is money!
Decision-making – this is a tricky area Because you wouldn’t want to overstep your bounds however, you have to be clear about who makes the final decisions during the planning stage and on day of the wedding. If a mediator, I tell my clients you control the outcome and I control the process with their input. Given that same philosophy would work for you? Either way it’s important to have this conversation because at the end of the day if you are name and reputation that are on the line if things go badly.
Payment –You work hard and you deserve to be paid and on time. Having to chase the final payment takes all the joy out of your work. Setting your expectations around payment early (and often) can prevent awkward situations. You won’t get caught off guard and be forced to make a decision in the moment. Instead, you’ll be prepared and ready to find a mutually workable solution. Oh, it helps tremendously to practice the preamble, especially your thoughts around payment out loud. That way you sound confident and like the authority on your business- which you are!
Don’t Pull Down the Hedges!
Love they neighbors but don’t pull down the hedges. ~ Ben Franklin
To paraphrase ol’ Ben, love your brides, but don’t neglect setting boundaries. They are far too important to the health and happiness of your business and you!
So, what do you think? Do you have the right to tell your bride how to act or not? Anyone who leaves a comment will get a tipsheet on writing your own preamble!
PS! With wedding season getting into full swing it’s time to brush up on your negotiating skills, right? One of the brightest corporate negotiators has agreed to be my guest on a free teleclass on Tuesday, June 29th. Shoot me an email with your biggest negotiation challenge right now and stay tuned for the registration page!
