If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. J Quincy Adams
I know. You don’t think of yourself as a leader. A dynamic wedding professional. Maven of style. Keeper of all things organized. Heart-felt artist. Generous information sharer. Passionate entrepreneur- yes. But leader, eh no. Well guess what? Like it or not, you’re a leader.
Because there’s no way you can tell me that in your work with brides you haven’t
- inspired and delighted a bride by helping her bring her vision to life
- encouraged her to be organized and efficient about planning her wedding
- assisted a couple to discovered their own style
- and much, much more.
So, why not go one step further. Why not be a role model and show your couple or bride how to be positive and effective in the world by your own actions? Yeah, I can hear some wedding folks saying, ‘Not my job’ or ‘That’s really outside of my services’. Well, it IS your job.
As a wedding professional, you have an obligation to help your couple navigate the logitistical and emotional rapids of wedding planning. That’s what they hire your for- your expertise, your calm, your perspective. We are all each others teachers like it or not. In business and at home. What you do and say matters. Because even if you think no one is watching, they are. Colleagues, brides, couples, competitors are watching and listening to see who you really are. That’s where trust is built.
Complaining about bridezillas and her cohorts, Momzilla and Groomzilla, is all the rage now. Instead of laughing or cursing this obviously unhappy people, we could be helping them not just get through the wedding, but gain skills and attitudes that can change their lives. Weddings are a very teachable moment when people are in transition and open to change (or at least considering it).
The amount of understanding and compassion you show others is equal to the amount that person will show to the next person. Sort of like that insurance commercial where one person’s good deed fuels others. And, thankfully, being a role model doesn’t require a license or extensive training. All you need to do is consciously decide to lead by example, then get the skills to do it. (And, I’m here to help)
When I chose to be a mediator and then Ombuds, I made a very conscious decision to lead by example around being non-judgmental, curious, generous and humble. I try to show how to be present and thoughtful in my life and work. Does it always happen? Heck, no. I get ticked like everyone else. But my efforts to see someone’s perspective show. And that makes all the difference to those around me who see you can succeed without wearing armor or knowing it all. That liking and connecting to people enriches your life, period. That nice works for running a business.
And while this might sound woowoo or Pollyanna-ish, it’s not. I learned first-hand how critical being a quiet role model can be. Early in my career I taught middle, high school and college students conflict management techniques as life-skills. These kids were learning how to listen and react to hearing things they didn’t like. Our goal was to bring down school violence and enhance the learning environment, not just for the best students but for every student. Anyway, a young man approached me at one of the student mediator conferences and told me that I’d changed his life.
He had been one of the eh-hem ‘back hall students’ that school administrators so love. He had participated in the training against his will (a way to cancel detention) but left feeling different about himself and his part in the school community. He saw himself as a leader who could get other back hall kids involved with school. His grades climbed and the principal invited him to student leadership meetings. I was floored. Honestly, I only dimly remembered him but now his story reminds me of how I can change someone’s life for the better. You can do the same for your brides.
Let me hear your thoughts about being a role model to your clients in the comments. I’ll leave you with one more thought that informs my life and work.
You may only be someone in the world, but to someone else you may be the world. ~ Unknown
