Bridezilla- it’s a word that unfortunately conjures up images of a screaming bride ready to crush any poor wedding professional- planner, photographer, caterer- who gets in her way. The truth of the matter is that a bride is under enormous pressure to plan the perfect wedding, even though she’s never done it before. And, sometimes when overwhelmed with emotions or confusion a bride gets, uh, cranky.
Your job isn’t about suffering through a tirade( although you probably have for the sake of customer service). It’s about using the communication tools to get that bride back on track to a happy planning experience. Below are five tips that can transform your bride from cranky to grateful.
- It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Recognize that everyone is frazzled in this fast-paced marketplace – you and your brides. Things happen, and that’s life. Give everyone, including you, the benefit of the doubt when it comes to ‘bad behaviors’ like being abrupt or rude. Breathe deep and smile. It’s scientifically proven that those two things can reduce your stress and induce others to be calmer.
- Use Both Ears
Listen to what your customer has to say, even if she is simply venting about things outside of your control. Your bride will appreciate the caring and you just might learn about a hidden problem you can now solve. Acknowledging comments like the ones below will help your bride feel heard and respected. Remember, you don’t have to agree with what she’s saying to truly empathize with her situation.
That must be difficult for you.
I can see how upset you are.
This must be very important
Let’s see what we both can do to fix this.
- Deepen the Experience
Sounds counterintuitive to get into a longer conversation with someone who is complaining, but it works. Asking a thoughtful question demonstrates your interest in your bride and finding a workable solution. (Don’t fall into the trap of making statements disguised as a questions, i.e. Wouldn’t you rather …)
Start by asking what her most important or urgent concern is. Then listen to the words and emotions. Even if you don’t have ready solutions, clients will remember your sincere efforts and share the news with others. Try questions like these to get to the heart of the matter:
What happened?
Why is that important to you?
What would you like to see done?
How can you help with this?
- Taking Care of Business
Once you’ve gathered all that information and gotten a better understanding, it’s time to make things right. Be creative with solutions. I once worked with an employer who was threatened with a lawsuit because it turned down an employee request for a raise. It’s all about bout money right? Wrong. We have a saying in the mediation world: it’s always about the money. It’s never about the money. Money is an acceptable topic to fight about so people use it as a vehicle to other concerns. Through a facilitated discussion, we learned the employee wanted the raise to travel more. Solution: the employer provided frequent flyer miles instead of cash.
What if you can’t fix it? Well, it’s more likely that you will find a workable solution (conversations generate lots of options), but if you can’t, be honest about it. Be transparent with your explanation of what you can provide and why more can’t be done. That builds trust, and people respect integrity.
- Happily Ever After
Follow up! Contact your bride to see if she’s satisfied. In the hectic world we live in, people crave a personal touch like a handwritten note or a short email. Such a small gesture can have a lot of impact on customer loyalty.
In the wedding business there are bound to be a few mishaps; it’s unavoidable. But what you do or say to an unhappy bride when trouble strikes can make an enormous impact on your sanity and your bottom line.
Dina Eisenberg, founder of Positively Wed, is an award-winning mediator with 17 years of experience as an attorney and ombudsman. After training more than 1,000 people to improve their communication skills, the self-described “wedding fanatic” turned her attention to wedding mediation to take wedding planning from frustrating to fun.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow. This is a problem for wedding professionals? Never during the 600+ wedding I have done over 29 years have I ever had a bride be rude to me or take a fit. I would suggest that if this is a problem then you are either booking the wrong weddings, or not in sync with the bride right from the beginning. I have to wonder if TV has made the term “Bridezilla” trendy and some brides think this type of behavior is acceptable or cool.
.-= Robin Spencer´s last blog ..ROR Sitemap for http://www.spencerstudio.com/ =-.
Robin, it’s wonderful that you’ve had such success with your brides. Unfortunately, not every planner has. In fact, an article in the latest Brides magazine suggested that some planners feel very abused by their brides who ask them to do much more than bargained for. It takes certain communication skills, ones you might not get ‘on the job’ to feel confident selecting your Ideal Bride client. I’ll be posting more about that and those Bridezillas soon. Thanks for reading and reaching out!
I’ve only had two Bridezillas in the nearly 500 wedding ceremonies I have performed. They were both a real piece of work. I wrote about one in the article, “PLEASE Be on Time! (for your own wedding!)” at http://celebrateintimateweddings.wordpress.com/2010/03/31/please-be-on-time-for-your-own-wedding/. You might also like to read: “To Be a Bridezilla or Not!” at http://celebrateintimateweddings.wordpress.com/2010/09/27/to-be-a-bridezilla-or-not/.
Celebrate Love!
Larry James
Scottsdale, AZ
Award Winning Wedding Officiant, Professional Speaker, Author & Relationship Coach
Member: Association of Bridal Consultants (ABC)
Thanks, Larry I’m sure other wedding vendors will appreciate reading how you’ve worked with brides. Stopped in phoenix on my way to Oakland and it was 110 degrees. oh man-that’s hot
I try very hard to follow the “Get curious before you get furious.” rule of thumb. Twenty minutes after returning home from a 10 day vacation this Friday, I got a phone call from a bride who wants to book a wedding for Sunday. We personally write all of our weddings, it’s BUSY SEASON, I have a ton of work to catch up on, and I have just driven ALL day.
My first thought is: “You’re kidding, right?” Instead of jumping on that impulse, I said: “Gosh, that’s fast. There must be some reason for that. What happened?” Her answer: “My (groom) and I have been together for 10 years. We have a 6 year old son. We always figured we would get married someday. My dad took himself off life support yesterday. We want to have a wedding while he can still be here with us…”
So, I said yes. I rearranged my own life to fit her ceremony into my schedule. I also took time to help her find a violinist and a photographer. Neighbors helped prepare her parent’s home for the ceremony, and took care of the food. Friends were invited by the bride and groom by text message. Those same friends helped arrange other details for the ceremony.
And most importantly, this bride’s father got to “give his daughter away” before he died. Boy am I glad I decided not to act on my own tired frustration. What I felt was nothing compared to that bride. And when all was said and done, I was a grateful as she was that I had was given the opportunity to be a part of her wedding day.
I guess when it comes right down to it, being in the wedding business is not just “some gift we give to our couples.” Being asked to be a part of something so important is also a gift they give to us.
~Rev. Sherry Mullins
So now i’m tearing up because of the gift you received and the one you shared here. Thanks so much.
The initial reaction to my work as a conflict coach is often- don’t you get tired of hearing other people’s problems and whining. Well, no. Because as you so well pointed out, my life is enriched by seeing people at their worst striving for the best.
With you caring help that bride turned a horrible time into something she and her family will cherish. Curious before furious, indeed!
Hi Dina, I’m a wedding photographer. This is a great article. Thank you so much for sharing. Being curious shows your client you care, while being furious shows lack of professionalism. Thanks again:)