Dealing with Difficult Clients

‘Running a business would be great, if it weren’t for the people’ is a quip I once read in a business magazine.  It’s kind of true.  People can be difficult, especially when it comes to satisfying long- held dreams and desires.

My friend, Michelle Loretta of Sage Wedding Pros- a blog you should be reading if you want to have a sustainable wedding business, wrote a honest, funny post about identifying bridezillas. You know, brides who, for whatever reason, have forgotten the purpose of a wedding. (Hint: it’s about celebrating love, not one-upping friends and family.)  So, because I am a mediator I wanted to add to the conversation.  I’m going to talk about how to prevent difficult clients and what do to with the ones you already have.  You know who they are.

Prevention is the Cure

The best way to deal with difficult clients is to avoid having them in the first place.

Sounds backwards, I know.  Here’s what happens.  You planned your business and wanted clients.  Any clients.  Every new business owner feels that way.  [Best William Shatner voice] I MUST GET CLIENTS!  Preferably paying ones.  So, the lions share of effort goes into attracting clients.  Your phone rings, but you’re not always so thrilled with who you’re taking to.  Over time, you come to resent your clients and your business.   Creating and planning just isn’t fun anymore thanks to your tough clients.  So how do you make work fun again and stop the misery?  Set expectations.

Set Expectations

Doesn’t’ matter where you are in your business, real businesses have policies and rules.  You need some, even though you may think of wedding planning, or photographer or officiating or DJing as personal and not something to sully with legalese.

Feh!  Rules can be kind and thoughtful.  In fact, I’d go so far as to say that it’s irresponsible not to have guidelines.  How could you expect someone to know how to act if she’s  never experienced working with a wedding professional before?

It’s really up to you to set the tone both with clients and, if needed, with other wedding professionals for what you expect from your working relationship.   You’ll save yourself untold aggravation and be rewarded with clients that really do value you when you set expectations.

Know What You Want

My dad used to say, ‘If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for everything.’, which seemed awful cryptic when I was thirteen. Now, as a business woman I understand it better.  Loosely translated in this context, it means create policies that work for you.

When I started out training corporate managers to be more comfortable with communication, I worked with a lot of non-profits.  I totally got their mission to do good and was sympathetic to their lack of  funding.  I tried to be as flexible as possible until one day when the HR manager innocently asked if I could accommodate  just two more participants.  Wanting to be helpful, I said yes.  Eight more folks showed up and totally blew the budget.

I actually lost money because of those additional folks. Lessons learned.  And, that was how my pro bono policy was born.  Each quarter, my company donated x number of hours or $y cost, whichever came first, to non-profits that needed support.   Although I was nervous, sharing this policy had a positive effect.  I could help when I could without feeling guilty. And, when I finally said no, clients understood.  Don’t get caught.

Want to reduce difficult clients?  Create some boundaries. Be brave, here.  This is your business.  The one you care for and nurtured along.  Your  baby, your rules.  So, don’t try to be too accommodating.  Be realistic. Meet your own needs.    Having things your own way- sorry Burger King- is the best perk of having your own business.

Ask yourself how you prefer to handle these types of issues:

• Payments- late, post-dated, non-payment, pre-payment, vendor payments, etc.   Definitely, a touchy subject, you want to have a set plan for how to handle money issues and time to practice saying it out loud.  Really.  You don’t want to stutter when you tell a bride that you won’t be able to continue services unless her final balance is paid.
• Deadlines- decide which deadlines are non-negotiable to you then share that with your bride.  Promote compassion.  Explain what happens if the deadline is missed and how that can impact her wedding.
• Scope of Project- absolutely a must if you want to avoid ‘the creep’.  You know, the ‘one more little thing’  I once worked with a general contractor that required we talk over each change order on the job.  Smart guy because after the first two, the aggravation of scheduling a meeting and talking over the change prompted me to get with the program. What could you do to be open while still protecting your business against overreaching?

Of course, you’ll have your own ideas.  I’d love to hear what you come up with.  Please share your ideas about creating boundaries in the comments so everyone benefits.

Dealing with the Difficult Clients You Already Have

Ok, so what if you have a bridezilla or two in your book already?  No worries, I got your back.  While we could spend 40 hours on talking about mindset, generating options and using neutral language (really, that’s how long a mediation training is), I’m gonna hit ya with the big guns.  This is the foundation of how I deal with most situations in work or ‘in real life’.  When dealing with difficult clients, the key is to get curious about what they need, then about ways to satisfy that need.

Be Generous- Give the Benefit of the Doubt

In my book, being a bad client is kinda like having lipstick on your teeth.  You might not  know  you’re one until someone tells you.  Consequently, I tend to assume my clients don’t know they are being difficult.  Sounds ridiculous, I know.  But you probably know  a bride who was so focused on her day she forgot about every thing else and pursued it with complete dedication.  I know I had a near obsession with a certain stainless steel sink when we renovated our kitchen.  It happens.  If your bride knew a more skillful way to get what she needed besides badgering your, she’d be using it.  Be patient.

Be Positive!

Happiness finally rates a research study!  Scientist are discovering that having a positive attitude goes a long way toward being happier and resolving disputes.   You can influence others toward finding a positive resolution just be thinking it can happen.  Since over 70% of communication is non-verbal, sending a positive vibe is cooler than you might think.  Don’t be pollyanna-ish.  Just quietly be assured that if everyone tries hard a solution is possible. (Note: the solution chosen may not be your favorite.  That’s ok.  It’s their life.)

Be Curious

The best problem-solvers are curious.  When a client demands something impossible, take a minute to wonder why.  Then, simply ask.  Let me give you an example.  When my hubby and I got hitched I really wanted candlelight at the venue which was a gorgeous Victorian mansion.  It meant a lot to me to create an intimate, cozy atmosphere for our guests.  My florist was smart enough to ask me what mattered most of all to me.  So, when the fire marshall said no candles in a historic building, she understood how to create  the feeling I wanted without real candles.

Sure, you may have to say no but ask enough questions to 1) separate a desire from a strong need and 2) define a variety of ways to meet the need.   There are a lot of ways to skin a cat, as the saying goes.   Ask some of my favorite questions:

• When you say xxx, what does that mean to you?
• What does xxx look like for you?  (i.e. elegant. What would an elegant wedding look like to you?)
• What are the three most important things you need me to know right now?
• If I could wave a wand, what would be the solution?
• If that couldn’t happen, what would be next best?
• Specifically, why won’t xxx work for  you?

Use these with my blessings.  I’ve discovered millions of hidden meanings and opportunities with these beauties.

Of course, I’d love to hear your tips for dealing with difficult brides, too.  Share your best tip below:

Tagged as: bridezillas, difficult clients, Michelle Loretta, positive, Positively Wed, sage wedding pros, wedding