Did I mention that Tuesdays are my days to talk with you, my brides? Sure, all the blog content is for you, except Thursdays when I’m talking to wedding pros, but Tuesday is really about the issues you face while planning. So, today let’s talk about something near and dear to my heart and yours: negotiating.
Of course, you want the best available prices on the best stuff for your wedding. That’s understandable. What you might not already know is how to get that without pissing your wedding team off. Seriously. This is not the time to go Kanye West, acting insensitive and inappropriate. All that uh, advice, you heard from family and friends like:
- whoever mentions money first loses
- never show an interest or praise the product/service
- never give more information than necessary
- try to leverage one vendor against another
frankly stinks and will get you precisely what that awful attitude deserves- indifferent service; that is, if you’re successful in getting the lower price, instead of swift kick out the door. Is that what you were aiming for? I thought not.
My friend Saundra Hadley, sales maven, wrote a terrific article suggesting how wedding pros can have a good attitude towards negotiating, which prompted me to write something similar for you.
When I was consulting to big companies on negotiation strategy, invariably someone would ask, “Can you teach us any tricks?” So, here’s the poop: there are no good negotiating tricks.
Tricks and schemes (like baiting two vendors against each other) are demeaning and disrespectful. After all, wedding pros are artists and creative types who are passionate about their work. Saying you want their life’s work on the cheap is so not the way to start a relationship. The very best negotiators I know:
- are knowledgeable about industry standards and their own needs
- frame the conversation around value and needs, not money
- appreciate the value of what’s offered
- ask a ton of clarifying and ‘what if’ questions
That means negotiation turns from an adversarial tussle to a meaningful conversation where you and your wedding vendor are interested in the same thing: a beautiful wedding for you. That you work together collaboratively to meet challenges in a way that results in what you want yet also respects her/his time, efforts and talents. You’re teammates. And, believe me, when there’s a glitch (oh, it’s possible) you want your teammate to fix things, not the vendor you nickled and dimed into an aggravated frenzy.
Right about now you might be saying, “Great, but how do I ask nicely?”. Brideability to the rescue! Instead of faking being a tough negotiator (I just got a vision of William Shatner- disturbing), be your own open, authentic self and say something like:
Gee, I really love this gown. The bead work is exquisite and it gives just the sexy yet elegant feeling I was going for. My budget is $2000 and it’s slightly more than I have. What could we do to put this dress within my reach?
Of course, use your own words, but so far, this does a good job of expressing your admiration for the seamstress’ talent and hard work. Don’t make a rookie mistake now by failing to listen.
Did you know studies show that most people only listen to the first five words before mentally checking out to formulate a response? LISTEN! What the seamstress says next is meant to educate you and may hold the key to a deal so listen to her words and her body, tone and facial expressions- the subtext. (Seventy percent of communication is NON-verbal)
If she says yes, sweet! Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand what will happen next and that it works for you. It would be embarrassing to negotiate a 10% discount on a gown only to discover later that the alteration costs are higher and make the dress unaffordable.
If the answer is no, be patient and creative. Ask what the seamstress needs to make it work. Or, if there are extras she can throw in if you can pay the list price. Again, no ugliness. Or as my grandmother used to say, ‘You attract more flies with honey than vinegar.’
Quick story. I really wanted to be married in a downtown luxury hotel in Boston for my first wedding (to my former hubby). We were paying and as new lawyers didn’t have much cash to be extravagant. But I fell in love with the hotel so I thought hard about what to do. By researching the hotel, I discovered it was known more for business travel than events, a business it was trying to build. When I met with the catering director I explained the situation then offered him something of value. I could bring him two newly engaged friends as leads if he could adjust my per-plate price. He agreed. A win-win with none of the drama.
Got a win-win from planning your wedding? Share it here!
