A funny title for a less than funny situation. One, I’m sure just about every wedding professional has experienced at some time. You know, something has gone wrong and you think your bride is gonna go apesh**t. You don’t have to kowtow to her or avoid her like the plague. As I explained in a recent post on one of the wedding vendor forums, you can handle this situation firmly yet with grace. Here’s the situation.
The basic facts are that a newbie planner with good intentions gives a demanding budget bride a tremendous discount on top of agreeing to help with rental returns. There was a mixup and some things got misplaced. The bride is on her honeymoon but is aware of the situation. The planner doesn’t want to pay and is afraid to confront the bride. Here’s what I suggested:
Hey, sorry you got into such a crazy situation. The bright side is that you’ve gotten a lot of advice that can help. Let me see if I can add something useful.
This issue gives you the perfect opportunity to re-assess your contract and how you present it, as well as, your ideal client. Clearly, this bride was not that, and her behaviors confirm that.
While it’s too long to discuss here, and I cover it extensively in my Contracts That Work audio, you can avoid this drama by being very clear about your expectations and possible outcomes at the time your contract is signed. In fact, there probably should’ve been a rider in your contract to cover what happens when its DIY and loss occurs.
I”d have to agree with Celia that you seem to be ‘borrowing trouble’, which you realize. I suspect you’re afraid of what the bride might say or do, given her past behavior. She’s kinda a bully. Well, bullies are that way because 1) they don’t know any better and 2) it works! If you care to, you can show her how to work out situations with grace- not that it’s your job. It’ll just make you feel like you defended yourself well; something that service professional sometimes are squeemish about.
Often folks get stuck when facing the anger of others. Totally understandable. I coach my vendor clients to look beyond the anger. Ask yourself, she’s anger, so what? Not in a so-what who cares kinda way, but rather so what’s next? I bet you’ll find that after her anger blows over she has little recourse against you. That the worst she can do really isn’t that bad.
So what -she doesn’t refer to you? Did you want more clients like her?
So what- she writes a bad review? You can always present the facts and let readers make up their own minds.
So what- you have to pay? That’s awful cheap for a business lesson that’s gonna save you years of angst and thousands of dollars because you’ll be more confident and clear about your expectations and contract.As you can read, I’m pretty passionate about communication and conflict. You’ll never have to suffer the uncertainty and worry like this time if you’re willing to get the skills to become fearless. (Meaning you know how to handle whatever comes up!)
Try. Fail. Learn. Grow!
Dina
Don’t Avoid Things
There were a couple of suggestions that this planner either avoid a conversation or have it without admitting any wrongdoing to as to appear strong. Gotta say honestly that’s bad advice.
Ever heard the expression: What you resist persists? Avoiding the conversation will give some temporary relief, sure, but if you go that route you’ll be stuck reliving what happened, what you should of said, and fearful of anyone or thing that looks similar. Sounds fun, huh? NOT
Having a sincere, transparent authentic conversation is much better for your psyche and your business. Even though it sounds dreadful there are specific techniques for getting through this kind of conversation intact and in a relatively satisfying way. Should we have a call on that?
Know Your Alternatives
The key is to know the alternatives for you so you won’t be tempted to cave in under the pressure of not knowing what could happen next. To give in just because. You can choose to be accommodating but that doesn’t have to be your default mode. Neither does aggression or avoidance. You and the bride can separately or jointly generate all options, even the silly ones, then evaluate to find a good solution.
Do you sometimes avoid conversations you think are going to be hard? What would you rather do?
