Ask Dina: How to Deal with Meeting Time-Wasters?

Today, is the March Brideability Summit, Play Nice: Work Well in Groups without Killing Yourself or Others! I’m very psyched because the situations can be pretty funny and the tips are simple to do but so powerful.  If you haven’t registered already, get to it here !

Is it Over Yet?

Time is such a precious commodity that I hate to waste it.  Especially in meetings when there’s so much to get accomplished.  How about you?  Well, one of today’s attendees sent me an email asking how to deal with time wasters.   I’ll cover this more fully later on the call, however, it’s such a common problem I wanted to tackle it here, too.

So, how do you deal with time wasters at meetings?  Short answer: redirect  We’ll get back to that later.  The better question is: what kind of time waster?

Ok, I know that sounds like an idiotic question.  Does it matter what kind?  Yeah.  It will be essential to one half the solution.  Because the whole formula for dealing with this situation is  a two-prong approach: adjust and redirect.   The person you can always have the most impact on is YOU.   Most of what I teach and coach are tools and mindsets that adjust your thinking and get you to a new level of awareness/acceptance.  So, knowing what kind of time wasting bugs you is important if you want to change that dynamic in yourself.    Besides, there are so many.  Perhaps you object to:

• Tessie the Talker- she contributes a thought or thirty on each topic that comes up at your networking group meeting, complete with roaming side stories and lots of sometimes irrelevant details.
• Nancy the Naysayer- she never heard a plan or idea that she liked.  There’s always a fear or danger and she can stop a good discussion on a dime.
• Rita the Restater- she feels compelled to paraphrase, or sometimes completely copy, whatever the  comments of the last speaker, sometimes appropriating them as her own, sometimes adding her unique twist.

Having attended over 10,000 meetings in my business career, I could  outline more types of time-wasters.  You know some, too, I’m sure.   (Feel free to share them and other meeting pet peeves in the comments).  These will do for our purposes here.

What’s it to you?

Now we know your type, we need to know why.  Why does Tessie drive you crazy?

I just can’t say enough about the importance of self-discovery.  Sure, we all like to think we know ourselves.  Likes. Dislikes. Values.  Yet, most of the time we’re a mystery to ourselves (and certainly others).  We’re unsure what’s really driving what we do or say.    Which makes it incredibly easy to misunderstand, mistrust and generally make ourselves miserable.  I do an  exercise, which I’ll do on the call if we have time, that’s pretty eye opening.  People walk away surprised to learn about unconscious preferences they never knew they had.   My past unconscious preferences are pretty funny, actually.

How do you figure out why something bothers you?   Ask yourself why five times.  No, not why,why, why, why, why!  Like this:

Why does the fact that Tessie shares her opinion about each and every topic that we discuss bother me?

Because it wastes time and is self indulgent and self important.

Why do I think sharing her is opinion self-indulgent and self important?

Because she should be able to control herself in a group setting and not take up  time with so many of her ideas.

Why am I bothered by her lack of control and having a lot of ideas?

Because I like to follow the rules and because I feel like I can’t get my two cents in.

Make a small adjustment

Wow, just needed 3 whys to get to the heart of the matter.   The whys act as a funnel- you go from a general complaint or issue to a more specific preference or expectation.   Tessie bothers you because you like order and want a chance (meaning, time) to share your thoughts too and Tessie frustrates that.

Knowing that gives you a chance to reflect and adjust your expectations and behaviors to neutralize the impact of Tessie on you.    What’s really valuable about this exercise, which probably needs a name, is that it can dramatically increase the level of compassion you feel for others and yourself.   Turns out you and Tessie share a desire to be heard in the world and that you both want to contribute to the success of your group.  It’s just your different methodology separating you.  That little bit of insight might be what brings a smile and sigh to you instead of a scowl the next time Tessie raises her hand.

Then redirect

You can now get down to business.  With empathy in place, you can redirect Tessie.  The object is to redirect her attention back to the topic at hand gently and without embarrassing her or you.  You have to have the right intention, which is the help, otherwise you’ll  look like a dink.  That’s why the adjustment in your thinking comes first.  If you’re the leader of the group, you could say something like:

Tessie, I appreciate you being in the group because you are so full of energy and ideas. What I’m wondering now is who else has a thought about how we should schedule table time for the next bridal show? Anyone?

No worries if you’re not leading the group. You can use this technique as an attendee. I’ve redirected many a comment from my seat. That might take some practice for you, especially if you’re worried about stepping on the leader’s toes. My experience is that most leaders don’t mind a little help now and again. It’s not likely you’ll get called on the carpet, but if you do, be transparent. Say what you were worried about and why you tried to help. This is probably one of the few times good intentions don’t pave the road to hell!

Gee, this was a long post. I get so excited talking about these skills; there’s so much to share, and it’s all gonna make your life so much happier. It has mine!

Ok, hope to see you on the call. It’s today at 3 pm EST Sign up quick!

PS If you can’t attend, register anyway so you’ll get the special offer. (Isn’t there always a special offer )