Ask Dina: Going to Small Claims Court

See you in court! That might well be the rallying cry for America. You know, we’re the most litigious nation, right? Roughly 15 million business-to-business cases filed each year. That’s half a case for each person in the country. Yikes.

It’s not secret I’m a huge fan of mediation. It’s a simple process that puts the key parties together with a neutral to talk about how they’d like to resolve the issue and what to do for the future. Don’t get me started- I could wax on forever about the virtues of mediation-saves time, money, relationships, creates more durable agreements, improves processes, solves the problem. It really should be the method of choice, after talking, to solve issues in business and in life.

Going to Small Claims Court

However, people still take cases to small claims court. If you haven’t ever been, I highly recommend avoiding it. There are easier, kinder, more effective ways for dealing with wedding vendors who aren’t hitting the mark. Here’s what I said in response to a wedding pro who has waited 9 months for the design work she purchased.

Hey, sorry you had that situation with the logo designer. I encountered something fairly similar myself so I’ll share what worked for me.

Long story short, the designer I was working with blew the deadline. That meant I almost missed a marketing opportunity. Even though I’m a conflict expert, I still get a few butterflies when one of the 7 conversations comes up, so I thought carefully and decided to have what I call the ‘What Happened’ conversation.

I sent her an email summarizing what had transpired to date, with salient details, and said something to the effect of,

‘ We both wanted this to be a successful exchange. I noticed that I haven’t gotten my x and because of that y happened. That meant z to me personally and w to my business. Can you help me understand what happened? I’d like our work to end on a positive note, get the logos and to be able to say it was a good experience when asked. If you’d like the same, what do you think we should do next? My idea is that you create x number of marketing pieces that tie to the existing work by date. Let me know what you think. Thanks for your willingness to cooperate. Dina’

Happily, she replied with the usual excuses and then produced several more marketing pieces for me. That was waaay better than small claims court.

Let me tell you- it’s a jungle. The downsides typically outweigh the benefits in my experience as someone who mediated hundreds of small claims cases. The respondent rarely shows the first time and the judge will likely order a continuance, meaning you’ll lose another day of work.

If you’re lucky, your state will have mandatory mediation for smalls claims. Sounds oppressive, but it just means you have to go to mediation (and try) before the judge will see you. That works so much better. You’re likely to get a better outcome and possibly salvage the relationship.

Now, you may not want to do that, but I think being able to give that feedback on poor performance is something we all should do if we want high standards. I always assume the person is unaware, not that they are incompetent, and that by sharing my observations of their work I am helping them improve. It’s the Poor performance conversation .

One more thing, even if you do win at court, you’ll get a judgment saying she should pay you, not the cash. You’ll still have to go out and get her to either refund or do the work.

You Can Do Better

While I didn’t get a chance to mediate the issue with my designer, I did do something very mediator-like. Something that you can do, too, when you feel yourself getting defensive or angry about someone else’s performance, or lack thereof. You can observe, inquire and suggest.

Observe, Inquire and Suggest

Three simple steps here:

1. Share your observations about what happened as an ‘I statement’:  I noticed that; What happened for me was… Be sure to include the impact on your personally and your business.  Sometimes people don’t know the impact of their words or deeds.
2. Inquire about her understanding of the situation or circumstances.  Often we assume we know based on the information we have.  Trouble is, we are always missing essential elements of the story so we’re wrong.  Inviting her to give her observations balances the communication and shows you care about her, too.
3. Suggest an outcome. Exactly how you’d like to see things resolved.  The worst she can say is no.  And, as my grandma used to say, ‘you don’t ask, you don’t get’.  It’s very likely she’s embarrassed and will want to figure out a way to make things work.

Just be sure that you use this superpower with care.  Don’t do it if you’re still angry or don’t really want to reconcile things.  The What Happened Conversation is not a bait & switch tool for chewing someone out.   It’s your olive branch that you’re carrying on the high road.

The 7 Conversations

I’ve been thinking about about how to present my conflict management work to you in a way that’s easy, memorable and fun.  (We gotta be having fun.)

Over the past 18 years as a mediator and Ombuds,  I’ve heard every business problem or issue (really, some doozies, but I’m sworn to secrecy).  I realized that a business person  really has only a handful of essential conversations.  What I call the 7 Conversations.  And, once you master each conversation, you become fearless, able to speak your mind, ask for what you need in a kind yet powerful way and enjoy your business.  It’s a wonderful way to live I can tell you that.

As I’m developing this program- there’s be a body of work for each conversation- I’d love your thoughts and feedback.  Right now I’m working on two conversations: Hiring and Delegation.

I learned that wedding pros tend to hire less, especially with this economy.  Is that true? I imagine the hiring conversation more broadly to include associate, assistants, interns, contractors.  And, if you had a magic wand, what would you change to make delegating easier?