Ask Dina: Being the Bearer of Bad News

You know, the old saying that two heads are better than one? Well, actually many heads are the best. That’s why I make it a point to be part of numerous wedding and business communities.  When I have a question or issue, I know the answers I need are out there in the heads of other wedding professionals. Every so often, I get to share what’s in my head. Recently, an event planner colleague of mine asked this question:

How would you suggest that we handle a situation when a client does not think that event insurance or something else in a different situation, is necessary or even a good idea? I hear a lot, “No one will get drunk, I don’t think that will be a problem!” It always frightens me thinking of a couple starting out their married life with the possibility of this happening. Maybe I could just ask how would you handle or try to convince people of something they think they don’t need? They are adults. We can be the bearer of bad news in trying to protect clients, but we aren’t going to and can’t practice law.

Brilliant question!! It goes straight to the heart of persuasion, something anyone in business should know something about.

I could be wrong, but I think clients choose experts like wedding planners when they want both the practical know-how and the strategic advice.  Couples know you know the path they’re on. They want to borrow your brain.  They need you to help them think of the myriad of things good and bad that could happen on their wedding day.  It’s your job to warn clients when things might go sideways.  (I know the common wisdom is to keep brides blissfully unaware.  I’m challenging that, I guess.)

Yup, I hear some of you mumbling some version of, They’ll yell at me and I don’t want that, under your breath.  Honestly, some brides will behave badly, trying to push their anxiety onto you.   They come with the territory and you can learn ways to communicate more effectively with that type, if you want.

Most brides will appreciate your thoroughness and care, even though they don’t like the news.   Don’t borrow trouble as my grandma used to say.   Plenty will come your way, she’d say, no need to borrow any more.  Translation: stop worrying about what might happen to you and do what’s needed for your couple.

Like I said, it is part of a wedding professionals job to make clients aware of issues, obstacles and such that could ruin their big day. Trouble is, as my friend so rightly point out, clients are adults who can make their own decisions.

Planners can’t advise clients as a lawyer (and it isn’t my intention to do that now). What you can do is  calmly, clearly share your concerns with your couple and take precautions to protect yourself.

Don’t Shoot the Messenger!

Who wouldn’t have feelings about delivering some tough love?  Awkward, much.  But it really helps to keep in mind that you’re only sharing the news.  You didn’t create it and you don’t have to judge.

For example, the fact that your state has a liquor law, or requires a police detail, or doesn’t allow wedding food to be donated, isn’t your doing.  It doesn’t matter if you agree or not; it’s still the law.  So, while you should empathize with your couples, you don’t have to feel bad about pointing out potholes on their way to the altar.  I might say something like:

You know I’m as devoted to creating a memorable wedding day as you are.  There’s something I think could derail that and I want to share it with you.

What do you know about the alcohol laws in our state?  Did you know that brides and grooms are considered hosts at the wedding and that you could be liable for damage done by your guests who leave drunk? [ insert more details about the law and its impact]

Would you like to talk some options on how to handle this?  The option that most of my couples choose is event insurance.  The other option is going without insurance and hoping things go well.   Which option seems best for you and why?  OK, you decided against insurance.  I respect your decision and I want to make sure you’re sure.

Can we talk for a minute about what to do if?   Is it likely that someone- Uncle Roy or your sorority sisters- will get drunk?   What if someone gets drunk, what do you want done?  Take the keys? Call a cab? Book a room?

Taking this coaching approach works because it puts the couple in charge while educating them so they can make an informed decision.  What I like most about it is it feels more collaborative.   I’d be curious to know what you think, too, in the comments below.

Protecting Your Business

It goes without saying you work with a contract, right?!   It’s crucial tool that you hope you never have to rely on.  More important than the contract is the contract discussion where you go over the details with clients.  I know some people rush this part, but don’t make that mistake.  If you don’t have a meeting of the mind, you’re contract isn’t really worth much.  I’m doing a teleconference on contracts on Dec 8th for those of you who don’t have one or want to refresh an old contract.

f I were a planner or caterer I would make the info about drinking and liability part of my standard contract language that clients must initial. That starts the paper trail, although you hate to have to use it.

Next, I’d make that provision part of my contract discussion.  The key here is to paint the picture with questions so clients understand that they may not get what they want (happy wedding day) if they aren’t thoughtful. They discover for themselves through their answers that they don’t want to be responsible instead of you telling them. No one wants to be told, sadly, even when it’s good advice.

Truth is- you can help people understand that they are acting against their best interest without judging them or making them feel stupid. It’s all about your intention and approach.